“Bump, Bump, Bump” by B2K is by far is one of my favourite songs of all-time. However, I don’t listen to it anymore because it was written by R. Kelly. As a survivor of sexual assault, I’m not going to support a sexual, mental and physical abuser of women. Thank you, next.

Prognosis…

Now, what does this have to do with friendship? Oftentimes in all relationships we know are toxic, we tend to cloud our judgment by reminiscing and reminding ourselves of all of the good times — which magically has the ability to erase all of the bad ones. I’m going to call this the R. Kelly Syndrome. With Robert, we as a Black community knew what he did, what he was capable of and that he was still doing it. But we still supported him. We still played his music at the barbecue. We still stepped in the name of love and turned front, back side to side. But why? Because we were “tearing down a legend”. Infamy and legendary are two different statuses of fame. It’s not that we never believed that R. Kelly or OJ Simpson didn’t do it, we just turn a blind eye to those negative qualities that we wish to believe are nonexistent.

Ask yourself this: is your current situation- whether it be family, friends or a significant other – infamous or legendary? Do you still keep them around because you’ve known them since you were young or they’re a “key figure” to you? Think you can’t live without them? This may be harsh but life goes on and God can’t move in your life unless you do. Or else he’ll move you for you. I’ll do you one better than asking you these questions; I’ll answer them myself.

Picture This…

A close friend of mine and I had established a friendship for a couple of years at the time and had ended up working at the same establishment. We were interdependent and in each other’s eyes, we could do no wrong. Boy, was I fucking blind.

There was a young man (of course, it was about a guy) whom I had liked for a while and my friend had known this. Actually, I had asked her to put me on but we’ll get to that in a few seconds. One day, we had all gotten together at my friend’s house with all of the works – music, hard liquor, the lights being off. It was all a great setup for a great night, right? Wrong. Long story short, my friend had ended up kissing the guy that I liked while I was in the bathroom and proceeded the following day to go out on a date with him – all while bearing in mind that I had liked him. Maybe she forgot because she slipped, fell, bumped her head and came over with a sudden case of stupid. I don’t know, I’m not a doctor. However, if that wasn’t a case, it was just fucked up.

R. Kelly Syndrome Diagnosis…

I have always loved this girl and have always held her to one of the highest regards that one could hold a friend to at my age. Had she ever done anything to hurt me before? Absolutely, but I had convinced myself that she knows not what she does and I would continuously and ridiculously excuse her for her actions because she was my friend. Or, at the very least, I had considered her one. Maybe she was a friend to me in the best way that she knew how to be, but that wasn’t enough for me. Yet and still, I knew what she was capable of and that at this point, she had become a repeat offender and I was a habitual victim to the situations that I was putting myself in.

Yes, this young lady had taken me in. Yes, she had been a great friend to me. Yes, I considered this young lady family to me – but that doesn’t give me the right to reintroduce myself to the same situations and expect different outcomes. That is literally the definition of insanity. Mr. Robert Kelly was finally indicted on multiple accounts of sexual assault because the survivors had spoken out against the assailant and realized that enough had been enough. It is never too late to tell your story, and it is never too late to take a stand. Take that into account when it comes to your friendship – are you going to let your mental or spiritual well-being continue to be assaulted by a “friend,” will you take it to trial, or will you fight for justice?