Shout Out To My Ex
I’m not doing this because I want you back or anything of that nature. I genuinely want to thank you for helping me blossom into the wonderful woman I am today by breaking my heart.
I remember when you told me I was your first everything, and I was excited because in my mind, you were the one – I no longer had to look and search and roam for the man that fit my life like that slipper fit on Cinderella. I also remember our God-awful breakup where I was Kim Kardashian ugly crying all the way to Washington, DC on a one-way Amtrak ticket. I feel so bad for that man I was sitting next to because I was just hysterical for that overnight trip boohoo-ing all night long while he was trying to sleep.
You were my best friend, my rock, my confidant, my homie, my boo – and the list could really continue forever, but I’m sure you get that you were my everything. Everything in the sense of the word that without you, I was a mess, but I did that to myself.
Back when I was destructive and didn’t even know that I was battling with depression, which was a complete foreign concept to me, you held me down for every and anything no matter what. When I stormed off in the middle of the night into the abyss of the dangerous neighborhood we called home at the time, you came chasing after me. When I had manic attacks and bawled crying because I didn’t know how to chain down my own emotions, you calmed me down. When I came for you when you didn’t even send for me, you forgave me. I truly deserved none of your love and support because you gave it to someone who didn’t have any idea of what to do with it.
Retrospectively, I am woman enough to admit that I destroyed a good thing between us and for that, I’m sorry. However, I am grateful that the time we did have together existed because we taught each other things we would’ve never learned from anyone else:
How to be a friend when someone needs it
Love is unconditional; falling in love isn’t
You reap what you sow
Love yourself before you love anyone else
I see that you’re happy and dating, and I am, too. I am with a man who loves me with whom I plan to spend the rest of my life with, but I am also proud to announce that I am in a full-fledged relationship with myself – lovingly and wonderfully developed. Throughout the years, obviously a lot has transpired without one another, but I thank you for giving me the push I needed to realize that self-love is more important than anything else – otherwise, I can’t function with anyone else.
Before I let you go, I pray that you find a woman that values you, loves you and accepts you for who you are – just as you did for me. I was a scared little girl who was pursued by a young man who wanted a grown ass relationship that, in hindsight, I just wasn’t mentally, spiritually or emotionally ready for. Make sure that when you give your heart, it’s to someone who deserves it, cherishes and never lets you go. I’m blessed that now we have a friendship – or at least as good of an amicable association as two could have after a very stressful and messy breakup – and we’ve been able to see one another grow into the amazing, prosperous young adults that we are now.
Shoutout to you for making me better.